Probably the hardest thing to do is show someone else your truest face, the real you, the one without the lipstick and makeup, prettied up for company.
One of the things I most value about kink relationships is that very thing. Being able to how someone the parts of your personality that are not always thought of as positives, and having them accept it.
The reasons to come out are as varied as the things revealed. I know that for me, when I come out to someone, one of the biggest reasons is that I’m not great at compartmentalization, either in my personality and my life. I am what I am.
For instance, no one I told I was a dominatrix ever said, “Wow! Seriously? I’d never have guessed.”
Usually it’s more in the vein of “You know, this explains a LOT…”
I come out, too, because I f...Read More
Coming out seems to be the theme for the week.
This weekend at least two people I consider my family came out to their families. In one case, it went as well as could be expected, the other one was, I think, more difficult and had a less comfortable outcome, at least so far.
Coming out is really about how much of our real faces we show to the people around us. It’s about trusting people with the knowledge of who we really are, the authentic person living inside the skin.
Coming out is scary, because there’s always fear of repercussions. If they see our real faces, perhaps they’ll turn away rather than look at them.
And they might. Most of us know people whose coming out did not go well, disowned at worst and distanced at best from those they told who they were.
I’ve been lucky...Read More
Calendars are a very tidy way of marking time, all nicely divided into equal seconds and minutes and hours, with an extra day thrown in once every four years to make sure it all REALLY comes out even.
People, however, are rarely tidy in their habits, not as a whole, or often even individually, so we don’t remember those equal measures of time quite so out so equally and tidily.
What we use to count out time, to measure it out in front of us or remind us of when it was meted out in the past are the incidents, the celebrations, the gains and losses, or the routines leading up to them. Sometimes it’s big and uncommon things, or experiences we either share, or can relate to.
“Did it happen before or after we moved out of the apartment, or before Joe and Sheila divorced?” “Well, I know that ...Read More
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP
I found that quote lately, and I’ve gone back and read it multiple times.
I love the image of so many apples, falling all around you, wasting their sweetness, and really, isn’t that what much of the world seems to d...Read More
This weekend was one that had no big plans, and yet managed to keep me busy all weekend.
On Friday, I had dinner with two of my folks, Poodle and the boi, and yes, I am aware, it sounds like children’s book, and LE, our current American Leather Woman, who was in town for a few days. Friday we mostly took off, though we did things around the house.
Saturday was the usual yard sales in the morning, at which my find for the day was this:
It is a lambskin, lined, in perfect condition, and the price was $5.99. I was quite happy.
After yard sales, it was off to lunch with local folks, and the food and the company were both more than enjoyable.
Then last night I went to a bar with a bunch of hot guys…
I want to point out that I do NOT have my hands on any of their dicks.
Just saying…Read More
I’ve had a certain amount of conflict in my life of late – nothing personal, at least no more than usual when you’re rather greedy in your personal relationships. It’s been in some of those relationships with people you don’t choose, but end up thrown together with.
Sometimes you like each other, sometimes you don’t, but most of the time we tend to behave, it rarely goes beyond not taking lunch together, or not striking up a conversation about the show you watched last night. Once in a while though, you get someone who doesn’t play by the normal rules.
Years ago, I worked with a man who was both almost comical in some of his eccentricities, but genuinely frightening in others...Read More
So, the issue was respect. I had said that I realized that not everyone would approve of me or my choices, past and present.
I said I was, in fact, “a virtual immorality trifecta.”
I did like that turn of phrase.
So, I can’t control someone’s opinion of me. All I can do is decide for myself what is right and wrong and behave accordingly. The opinion anyone else holds of me is irrelevant.
What is relevant is my opinion of myself. I have to look myself in the eyes every night, and wake up to myself every morning. I know all my worst qualities, the pettiness and unkindness that lives there, as it does with anyone.
You know that part of yourself you don’t like to admit to...Read More
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Take care, TCB…
So, I was thinking about respect. We make that such a tenet of our construct here, and respect is one of our cornerstones.
Everybody wants respect. Sometimes, anyway.
Respect is not a lengthy list of specific rules and regulations centering on how you expect to be treated.
It’s a reflection of the way you feel about other people as demonstrated by your behavior towards them.
By the same token, honor is not an empty term to be dusted off as convenient then returned to the shelf when it comes to one’s own behavior.
I cannot control the actions of the general public, nor do I plan to try.
I cannot walk around with a rule book that I pass out before someone speaks to me so they are certain to afford me the respect ...Read More
August 15, 2016 Events
The summer is winding down. School has already started here, a far cry from when we counted being off from June through August.
I mentioned a few things yesterday, but there is more going on in Louisville. Our local leather bar, The Barracks, closed last weekend, allegedly to reopen later on. We still have several other bars that are certainly friendly and welcoming to us, but none would identify as a leather bar. It was a fun last evening, which was covered here – Great Lakes Den – with some nice photos, including one of yours truly.
The munches continue without interruption. I usually make the Friday munches, unless I’m out of town, but I don’t make the Saturday ones too often these days, for no reason other than scheduling, and general busy-ness...Read More
August 13, 2016 Kink and BDSM
So, here it is August of 2016, and mid-August at that. The year is nearly two-thirds over, and summer is beginning to look a little ragged, the way you feel at the end of too long a night of too good of a time. Leaves are a little brown around the edges, most of the flowers have come and gone, and the fall flowers, asters and mums, are still biding their time to make a showy appearance in a month or so.
I finally have this blog up and running again, but due to my own stupidity, my backup only went back to the swap over from the original WordPress site, but not what I’d added again. I do have copies of them, just not in the format they were originally created. My plan, then, is to begin to post them, again, probably interspersed with new work.
You can see my snazzy book on the rig...Read More