How to Impress Me Redux
I kept a blog on another site for a while, about three years ago. Had we done as I wanted, when I wanted, I imagine we’d be the Fetlife site now, but I couldn’t do the coding part and The one who did saw no urgency, so by the time it was up and running, so was Fetlife.
A few friends posted articles and blogs there, but in the end, there just wasn’t enough traffic to sustain it, and it died on the vine. Six months or more of my life was basically wasted on it, not to mention a certain amount of money. Software of that sort isn’t cheap, fyi.
Anyway, I am going to occasionally repost something I wrote then, because it’s one way of ensuring I actually put up a new blog on a daily basis, and I want to do that. So, here’s the first. It was written 05/29/2009, so just a few days past three years ago. I may edit a bit, but I won’t do much to them.
Nothing has changed. I’m still a bitch.
So, how to impress me.
That’s not to say that any of you are particularly interested in impressing me, though it’s a nice thought, anyway. I’ve been a popular girl of late and have been talking to a number of submissive men all of who have expressed some kind of interest in me.
Most, if not all, of them won’t read this, but that’s ok, too. I tend to think my reactions aren’t all that unique, particularly among female dominants.
So one thing that would impress me is among male submissives is the sense that I represented someone to them who might be more than an anonymous top who will tie them up and do things to them.
Often when someone does contact me and I say, why did you contact me in particular, their answer is, “You were close.” Gee, thanks. I love being told that I was convenient and chosen in the same way you chose which Blockbuster you would frequent.
Now, to be clear, I don’t mind that close factors in. I’m not interested in anyone 1,000 miles away, either, but a submissive has to have more going for them than sharing the same zip code. Surely there was something else in my profile that made you contact me, I hope. If not, well, honestly, I’d just as soon you didn’t contact me.
Another way to impress me would be the willingness to do something that benefits me before expecting me to beat you. Beating someone can be fun, I am the first to agree. However, it is also some work and I can find a lot of people to beat. I feel fairly certain that if I went to a local munch and said, “Hey, I want to beat someone tonight, any volunteers?” that I would have some takers.
To be brutally frank, most of the time the male submissive is nothing special. I know this because when I say, “Why should I be interested in you?” they never seem to have an answer. Their profiles often offer no clue, either. You’ve seen them. “Don’t know what to say,” “I’m just a regular guy,” “Hate to write these things…” You know, if you think you’re uninteresting, likely I will, too.
Often they try and give the appearance of being interested in service. Their profile tells me that they want to serve, do errands, clean house, do yard work. Interestingly, when I ask about that, it turns out that actually, they don’t really have time to commit to regular assistance, no, they’re working two jobs.
Or they’d love to come and do something, but not this week. Or next. And not during the week, or weekends, or in the evening.
Or they’ll do some things, on their terms. They’ll clean my house if they can do it naked with me right there, but they’d not like to do it while I’m gone, or to pull weeds in the yard because they can’t be naked doing it.
There is often a sense, too, of quid pro quo. Now, to be clear, I don’t really expect anyone to do something that provides them no payback at all, and I’m not naïve enough to believe that their payback should always and entirely be my satisfaction at their service, but I do think the willingness to pay into their account with me before trying to make a withdrawal is something I should be able to expect.
If you are willing to do some of the things that make my life a bit easier, I am likely to be a bit more interested in beating you, to put it simply.
On the other hand, I don’t feel compelled, after you have spent an hour doing something around my house, to then immediately beat you for an hour. It’s not that simple and most of the time, I’d just as soon do my own chores as have to trade out tit for tat in beatings.
It’s uncommon that you will do it as well as I, and I’ve now invested two hours into an hour of housework or weeding, that I could have done in, oh, an hour.
Pay attention, that will impress me. When I first speak to someone, I almost always ask them four things. “Age, occupation, location and marital status?” Four things, count ‘em. You would be utterly astonished, or at least I am, how many of them miss at least one of them. It’s four things, four things that you know the answer to immediately, and you can’t list them all?
And no, it’s actually not usually marital status they miss, that one they’re often seemingly very honest about, but how am I supposed to be impressed with you when out of four things, you miss one of them?
I cannot stress this strongly enough: don’t fuck up my first impression of you.
Missing one question out of four does that.
Sending me messages that say “i am happyiestn nin life when i am pleaseing others,” does not impress me. And yes, an actual message. His keyboard sticks, you know, and he was using his phone and he was in a hurry to send it to me and he’s sorry.
So, clearly, that makes it all ok, right? Because he’s now shown himself to be inattentive to details and good at offering excuses when he does poorly.
Why does it seem to be so hard for male submissives to understand that I won’t just overlook those initial missteps, those early mistakes wherein I’m shown that they don’t take time to look over what they send before they send it, and this is in a stage when you’re assumedly trying to impress me.
How are you going to be once you feel comfortable and we are past the early stage? I can’t feel that you’re actually going to pay attention to details then if you don’t do it now.
I think I’m worth some effort and if you don’t, then that early disagreement is going to be a problem.
Don’t assume that I want to be treated like your former Mistress or that I will treat you the way she did. She wanted to be called Miss, so I clearly do. She wanted you to be naked when you talked to her, so I clearly must. She expected you to be hard and ready at every moment, so clearly, I would, too.
There’s only one variety of Mistress, obviously, and just as it is in every other role in life, all women are just the same and really appreciate it when you make it clear you see us that way.
What would impress me is someone asking me how I wanted to be addressed, how I wanted to interact with them, what I expected of them, as opposed to just assuming I want to be treated like someone else.
Here’s another revelation. Your dick is not the center of the universe in general and it absolutely is not the center of mine.
I recently had an exchange with someone who was, he said, terribly interested in me. He proved this by sending me naked pictures which did not show his face.
Clearly, what would matter most to me was not his face, why would I care about that, what I really really want to see, obviously, is his genitals.
My conversation with him made it clear that his entire world revolved around those genitals and what I might do with them. He was unable to send me a photo of his face, he was way too paranoid about it, but sending naked pictures apparently didn’t bother him at all.
I don’t want your dick size included in a general description. I’m not an overly shy girl. If I’m interested in your dick and its dimensions and appearance, I’ll ask. Trust me. Until I do, though, keep that information to yourself. I don’t much care, to be blunt.
It’s fine to offer me your phone number, but don’t pester me to speak on the phone. It is easier on the phone, for you at least, and that’s part of the reason I won’t do it. I’m not trying to make it easier for you.
I don’t care if it’s easier for you, particularly in the beginning. If you always want the easy out, the immediate gratification of a phone call, of not having to actually choose your words and make sense of them because you can keep talking until you think I understand, then I’m not interested in you anyway.
I’m not overly fond of phones. Your repeated whining that it would be easier for you if you didn’t have to actually type and use real grammar and not have your hands free will not convince me that you are the submissive for me, thank you.
So, if any of you out there want to impress me, here’s how to do it.
If you contact me, be prepared to have an actual conversation.
Have some clue as to why I would be interested in you, know what skills and talents you bring to the table, be willing to invest some time before you see the pay off, and have a sense of humor.
If my profile says, send me a photo, then send one.
If I ask you four things, give me four answers.
Read what you’re saying before you hit that send button.
Try and impress me, try and stand out from the crowd.
Yes, I am a bitch, thank you for noticing.