I Am Kinky

June 8, 2012 Kink and BDSMRelationshipsslave drewSubmissives  No comments

I am kinky.

What that means to me is that I have significant interests that are outside those of the average person, particularly in terms of how I view and conduct personal and sexual relationships. Being kinky doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, just as being rich doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone.

To one person, being rich means having a car that runs; to another, it might mean having a yacht. Lots of people are kinky to varying degrees, and in different ways. It’s unlikely that any two people who both claim to be kinky are kinky in exactly the same way, to exactly the same extent.

I am probably kinkier than many of you who will read this but it’s unlikely I’m kinkier than all of you.

The primary way in which I am kinky is in the kinds of relationships that interest me and the kinds of activities those relationships include.

I’m interested in relationships in which power is consensually exchanged between those participating in the relationship. My relationships are not democratic; they aren’t based on the concept of “fairness.”

In simple terms, that means I am the one who directs the relationship, with the consent of the other person. I am the dominant influence in a relationship that would be called a “Master and slave” relationship, or, within that relationship, I am the “Master.”  I have two relationships of this type.

Before beginning this relationship, we agreed on how much control and power I would have within the relationship, and how I would exert it, on what the position as “slave” would mean to both of us.

Most “vanilla” – meaning non-kinky – couples negotiate on a daily basis. They negotiate over who empties the dishwasher, what movie they see, with whose family they will spend Christmas or Thanksgiving.

In my relationships, we only negotiate at the beginning over who will make those decisions on an ongoing basis. slave drew would tell you that he agreed to that power exchange because he believed I was equipped to make those decisions, that I would always consider his best interests, and that he was willing to accept the occasional decision he doesn’t much care for because his life over all is far better and far happier than it was before he knew me.

It isn’t that he made terrible decisions or had a miserable life, but his life is better now than it was.

I’m kinky because I like S&M activities. Bear in mind that these are always consensual, just as the exchange of power is consensual.

The person whom I restrain, or spank, for instance, at the very least consents to having that happen, or most often, truly enjoys that activity. I don’t force anyone to take part in those things; in fact, there are often more people who want to be tied up and spanked than there are those who want to do that.

I like having someone naked and kneeling in front of me, as a physical manifestation of their willingness to be submissive towards me, to allow me to make the decisions and direct the relationship; they like being in that position for the same reason. Again, consent is a vital part of these relationships.

My kinkiness is also sexual. Sometimes S&M is foreplay, sometimes not. Sometimes sex includes S&M in some form, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m sexually kinky, too, because I have relationships with more than one person at a time, what I would call being “poly,” short for polyamorous.

I don’t hide that from the people with whom I am involved, including my primary partner. I’ve also had sexual encounters with more than one person at a time, as well, so that’s another aspect of my sexual kinkiness. I don’t consider myself a swinger, though some kinky people are swingers, and I don’t take part in orgies, but sometimes my sexuality expresses itself in encounters with multiple partners at the same time.

So, as I said, I’m kinky.

I’m also emotionally secure, mature, rational, stable and quite sane.

Sometimes people don’t believe those things can go hand in hand, that somehow being kinky means that I’m emotionally stunted, or psychologically warped, that I’m trying to work through deep emotional scars or awful instances of physical abuse. I’m sure that my childhood had a significant impact on what I am today, just as each of you are products of your childhood, too, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing.

My past brought me to where I am today, and I’m not at all unhappy with the emotional terrain I inhabit.

I also believe that what I am was not my choice. I may choose to act on my kinkiness, but even if I had never done a single thing anyone would consider kinky, I’d still have those interests outside what we are told is the norm.

Kinky can be about both who I am, and what I do.

I am kinky, and I am also intrinsically a pretty happy person, content with my life, optimistic about my future.

I have people I love in my life, and people who love me, more than I have any right to have expected.

I have friends around me who care about me and about whom I care, also more than I have a right to expect. Some of them are also kinky, some are not, but virtually all of them know about that part of me and accept me, kinks and all. Some of them got a pretty good laugh about it when I told them, but I can’t say as I blame them.

And I do have some great stories. Ask me about them sometime.

You might just find out that you’re even kinkier than you realized yourself.

0 comments to I Am Kinky

  • vanillamom  says:

    Oh Ms. Constance…you’re BLOGGING!!! I would like, very much, to add You to my blogroll, if that is okay? You do a beautiful job of explaining kinky! Welcome to the Blogosphere!

    nilla

    • MsConstanceExplains  says:

      I would be more than glad for you to add me to your blogroll. I wanted to make sure I was really going to keep at it, but they say it takes 17 days to develop a habit and today is the 20th, so it seems relatively ingrained. I’ve also allowed myself the luxury of recycling something I’ve written elsewhere, if I need to, so that seems to help.

Leave a reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>