Monthly Archives June 2012

Seven Rules for Posting Photos

June 19, 2012 Kink Community  No comments

Another retread at the end of a longish day.

I have come to the conclusion that there need to be some rules about photos posted on various dating sites and social networks, so I am taking it on myself to write them. I’m just that kind of selfless girl.

Rule #1
When taking photos in your bedroom beside your bed, pick up your damn laundry. I don’t care if it’s clean or dirty, I don’t even care if you throw it on the floor outside the camera’s view, but no more photos of you standing beside your bed which looks like the remains of the 80% off sale at The Gap.

Rule #2
When taking photos in other rooms, look around at what the camera sees...

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Awards

June 18, 2012 EventsKink CommunityLeatherLeather Contests  4 comments

I have, in the course of my time in the community, been nominated for a fair number of awards.  I never win any, to be clear, and that’s really ok, though it’s always easier to lose when you lose to people whom you would vote for over yourself, too.

I got a notice in my email today that I’d been nominated for a Pantheon of Leather award.

The Pantheon of Leather is one of the major award groups in the Leather community.  There are some other awards, too, obviously, but Pantheon is kind of the Academy Awards of Leather, in that there are a lot of different awards for a lot of different categories.

There are six or eight regions, and there are usually between four and six nominees in each category...

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Guilt and Fear

June 17, 2012 Kink and BDSMKink CommunityRelationshipsSubmissives  2 comments

That was the topic of our SIG group meeting today.  It’s funny, I think the discussion groups are absolutely not for everyone, but I think that for the people who find them valuable, they find them very valuable.

We talked about how guilt and fear affected us and our relationships.  Random observations follow, based on our conversation.  Your mileage, as always, may vary.

Submissives and slaves feel guilt more often, when dominants do feel guilty it’s often a more intense guilt, because we feel guilty for both parties.

Most male dominants had a lot of guilt based around their kink because they were all told that they shouldn’t hit a girl...

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A Glad Heart

June 16, 2012 Relationshipsslave drewslave thomasSubmissives  2 comments

For the first time since I started blogging – not that long, of course, but still – I didn’t blog yesterday at all.

I do have a fairly good reason.

My Internet provider had an “area outage.”  My Internet went down about 3:15pm on Friday and, because I was online, I noticed immediately and called.  They tried a couple of resets, they didn’t work, they decided it must be my equipment.  They would have to send someone out to “recalibrate” it.

And the soonest they could get to me was Sunday at 2pm.

Crap.  Crap.  Crappity crap.

It’s amazing how disturbing that was.  Forty-eight hours without Internet access?  Would I survive.

Then, about two hours later, I thought to check my cable only to discover it was out, too...

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Mentors

June 14, 2012 Kink and BDSMRelationships  No comments

I am using a get-out-of-blog-free card today and posting something I wrote a while back.

And, if you’re interested, the four state capitals in yesterday’s test are:

Carson City, Nevada

Jefferson City, Missouri

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Salt Lake City, Utah

One of the words we hear a lot these days is “mentor.”  People talk about the need for mentors in our community.

Novices are looking for mentors.

More experienced people call themselves mentors.

There seems to be a general consensus that everyone needs them and everyone who can be one should be a mentor.

Personally, I never really had any mentors in the Leather community.  There were people I looked up to, certainly, but I met them all well after I was on my way to being whatever I am now...

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Capitals

June 13, 2012 Kink and BDSMslave drewslave thomasSpirituality  No comments

No, not capitals as in the capital of a state, although I will tell you that there are four state capitals with the word “City” in their names.  Think about it.  I’ll post the answer tomorrow.

In any case, no, what I mean is capital letters.  While that might seem like an odd choice for a subject, it’s really not and it actually ties in with my recent speculations on BDSM and spirituality.

I have had a computer of some kind for literally 30 years or so now.  My first computer was an Atari, one of the high-end ones that had a word-processing program.  You saved the file to a tape in a special tape recorder.

It sounds almost ludicrous now.  It was a lot like an old VCR where there was no random access, it was linear, basically...

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BDSM and Spirituality, Part Two

June 12, 2012 Kink and BDSMRelationshipsSpirituality  No comments

Yesterday, I referenced a blog by one of my favorite people, aisha.  She talked about spirituality, and you can read her work here.  I talked about it and ended up not at all where I meant to be, so this is really a continuation of that.  Let’s see if I can stay on track today.

One of the common themes in a lot of cultures is the idea of using a physical ordeal to bring one closer to a higher being.  Walkabouts and vision quests and ghost dances and sweat lodges and all those other rituals and rites of passage that bring one closer to God, however you choose to perceive that, whatever name (or gender, or singularity) that you, or they, recognize.

Bear with me, I’m going to use that term, you just substitute whatever makes you feel more comfortable when you come across it.

So, we go thr...

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BDSM and Spirituality

June 11, 2012 Kink and BDSMRelationshipsslave drewslave thomas  6 comments

I told someone lately that for me, kink was at least as much about spirituality as it is about sexuality.

For me, one of the things that kink allows me to do is, in a way, test myself.  We tell ourselves that the way you judge character is by how someone behaves when no one is watching, by how they behave when they can do whatever they want.

For me, a Master and slave type of relationship allows me that opportunity.

I have slaves.  Neither of them have safewords, never have.  Neither one has ever refused to do something I asked, either.

Both of them trust me implicitly.  I could ask them to do anything, I imagine, and they would at least consider it, because they do trust me...

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Corn Con

June 11, 2012 EventsKink and BDSMKink CommunityTravels  No comments

I am back now from my weekend excursion, to Bloomington, Illinois.

I was at a great event called Convention in the Corn, or Corn Con.

It’s a very small event, I doubt there were 75 people there all told, but we had a great time.  I went with my friend Kenny, and Ms Tammy and her slave, troy.

Corn Con is put on by Spyn, a black Lesbian Dominant.  I’ve known Spyn for years, though not well at all.  She always comes to Great Lakes, but we never had a reason to do more than say hello in passing.  She’d approached Ms Tammy to present, and she suggested that I contact Spyn about presenting, too, since we often travel together and didn’t mind staying together.

So, after a little back and forth, I ended up as one of the three presenters, who also included my friend Min, who works at the Leathe...

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Boundaries

June 10, 2012 Kink and BDSMKink Community  No comments

Boundaries are something that’s been on my mind lately.

I found a definition of boundary online that I like a lot: That which indicates or fixes a limit or extent, or marks a bound, as of a territory; a bounding or separating line; a real or imaginary limit.

The kinds of boundaries I’ve been thinking about are the ones that exist in our community, particularly in public forums.

Having hosted a munch for a decade, I’ve met more novices than most.  I’ve watched a number of people go from absolutely green and terrified to finding a place within the community.

If there’s one place, though, where a novice is most likely to misstep, it is in not understanding the boundaries that exist.

It’s easy to understand why...

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