Seven Rules for Posting Photos

June 19, 2012 Kink Community  No comments

Another retread at the end of a longish day.

I have come to the conclusion that there need to be some rules about photos posted on various dating sites and social networks, so I am taking it on myself to write them. I’m just that kind of selfless girl.

Rule #1
When taking photos in your bedroom beside your bed, pick up your damn laundry. I don’t care if it’s clean or dirty, I don’t even care if you throw it on the floor outside the camera’s view, but no more photos of you standing beside your bed which looks like the remains of the 80% off sale at The Gap.

Rule #2
When taking photos in other rooms, look around at what the camera sees. Is there a pair of sneakers with the socks stuffed in them under the sofa? Is there a pile of newspapers and pizza boxes on the coffee table? Is there a litter box clearly visible in the corner? It’s hard to appreciate a jewel when it’s lost in a large pile of crap. Commit this thought to memory.

Rule #3
If you MUST take photos with clothes on the bed or clutter on the couch or general mess in every visible corner and on every visible surface, don’t excuse it by saying, “I didn’t have time to clean up.” While this is clearly true, it’s not a day or two of mess and you’re not fooling anyone.

Rule #4
Consider the image you’re photographing and the setting for it and see if they match. If you’re going to take a picture of you naked and in high heels, does it really belong in the kitchen? Maybe it does, maybe you wander around your house in heels and nothing else a lot, only you can answer that one, but I will tell you that it gives one pause when one stumbles across it.

Rule #5
This is the digital age. Digital photos that are clear, focused and of good quality are fairly easy to come by. If you really can’t find it, it’s pretty easy to scan one, too, and presto, a digital photo. Is it really necessary to post grainy, out of focus photos that look like they were taken underwater by a drunken mermaid?

Rule #6
Disembodied genitalia: I think we all know what it looks like. I believe most of us have seen them up close and personal. Shaved and unshaved. Flaccid and rock hard. Dry and sticky. Happy and sad. Well-used and on sabbatical. If you believe you can add something new to the oeuvre, something none of us have seen before, then you owe it to all of us to share. On the other hand, there’s such a thing as over-sharing, too. The term overexposure has more than one meaning. Look it up.

Rule #7
You are not allowed to post more than a half dozen photos of yourself taken by holding your cell phone at arm’s length. Ditto for bathroom mirror shots. The only exception is if there is something intrinsically different about those over the acceptable six. You’re in a slutty pirate outfit, you have a brand new haircut, you’ve got adorable bruises on your posterior that you want to memorialize for posterity. Otherwise, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to insist.

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