Unreasonable Expectations

Perhaps that should be “Unreasonable Expectations?”  Question mark and all.

I am wondering if my expectations are too high too often.  I got some information today that made me think that.

Not terrible news at all, something that is actually the outcome that I preferred and thought was the best option, and something I expected, too.  I think it will end up being a learning experience for everyone involved, myself as well, and that’s a good thing to take away.

But it made me think.

I don’t think I expect more of others than I expect of myself.  That is said, by the way, with a genuine sense of self-examination, not as an arch justification.  I don’t *think* that I do.  I have fairly high expectations for myself.  I take on a lot of responsibilities.  I follow through with them.  I expect the same of others.

And yet, I am often disappointed.

I think in the most recent case, a good deal of the blame rests on me.  In personal relationships, I think I’m pretty good at laying out my expectations, because I am very explicit.

The first time someone goes to an event with me, for instance, I will tell them exactly what I expect.  I will tell them their wardrobe should be black slacks or jeans, not blue, black t-shirts or long sleeved dress shirts.  T-shirts will have no advertising on them, and the only writing allowed is from other events, or ones with kinky sayings.

I spell out the shoes, and for how many days they will need to be prepared.  I tell them what manners I expect, the protocols I expect them to follow, and how and how much I will want them to serve me.

I will give them very detailed information, because I have learned that doing so is the best way to assure I get what I want.  In this situation, I simply expected that they would do what seemed reasonable to me, what seemed to be a reasonable expectation, but to be perfectly fair, I didn’t really spell those out.

That was my error, and one I will not let happen again, at least not in that situation.  I’ll make mistakes in the future, clearly, but I learned something and I think the cost will turn out to have been fairly painless.

I need to bear in mind that spelling out expectations is my role, when I am the one in charge.

As the dominant, that’s part of my role, a good part of it.  I say in classes I give often that if you cannot spell out what it is you want, it is unlikely that you are going to find it.

I forgot that and that is my error, no one else’s.