Perhaps that should be “Unreasonable Expectations?” Question mark and all.
I am wondering if my expectations are too high too often. I got some information today that made me think that.
Not terrible news at all, something that is actually the outcome that I preferred and thought was the best option, and something I expected, too. I think it will end up being a learning experience for everyone involved, myself as well, and that’s a good thing to take away.
But it made me think.
I don’t think I expect more of others than I expect of myself. That is said, by the way, with a genuine sense of self-examination, not as an arch justification. I don’t *think* that I do. I have fairly high expectations for myself. I take on a lot of responsibilities. I follow through with them. I expect the same of others.
And yet, I am often disappointed.
I think in the most recent case, a good deal of the blame rests on me. In personal relationships, I think I’m pretty good at laying out my expectations, because I am very explicit.
The first time someone goes to an event with me, for instance, I will tell them exactly what I expect. I will tell them their wardrobe should be black slacks or jeans, not blue, black t-shirts or long sleeved dress shirts. T-shirts will have no advertising on them, and the only writing allowed is from other events, or ones with kinky sayings.
I spell out the shoes, and for how many days they will need to be prepared. I tell them what manners I expect, the protocols I expect them to follow, and how and how much I will want them to serve me.
I will give them very detailed information, because I have learned that doing so is the best way to assure I get what I want. In this situation, I simply expected that they would do what seemed reasonable to me, what seemed to be a reasonable expectation, but to be perfectly fair, I didn’t really spell those out.
That was my error, and one I will not let happen again, at least not in that situation. I’ll make mistakes in the future, clearly, but I learned something and I think the cost will turn out to have been fairly painless.
I need to bear in mind that spelling out expectations is my role, when I am the one in charge.
As the dominant, that’s part of my role, a good part of it. I say in classes I give often that if you cannot spell out what it is you want, it is unlikely that you are going to find it.
I forgot that and that is my error, no one else’s.