Edgy Topics

August 14, 2012 Uncategorized  2 comments

I’ll be both judging and presenting at South Plains Leatherfest in Dallas in March.  It’s the home of the International Master and slave contest, and the guidelines that they provided in terms of the presentations for which they were looking was that they preferred it be something that we had not presented before, and that “edgy” topics were welcome.

I’ve spent the last month or so speculating on what I might like to do, and they’re due tomorrow.  It’s not really like me to be slow in responding to such things, I have been on the other side too often and know what a pain it is to be waiting on your staff.

Usually, it’s easy for me because I have a standard bio and class list, and I often add classes to it.

I actually throw myself under the bus in a manner of speaking.

I write the description, think of the catchiest name I can, and then send it out to the universe.

When – and if – someone asks me to do that class, I think, “Oh, fuck, now I have to write the damn thing…”

If no one picks it after a while, I shrug, and move it to another file of things that might possibly work later when I can think of a better angle.

So, I’m used to adding new material often, but the name for this column came from my own oft-repeated statement that I should just call all my classes “Ms Constance Explains,” because it’s all what I think, just tell me what part of it you want to listen to.

This was different, though, in that I did want something a little outside my own comfort zone.

I did a class on canes lately, the first “technical” class I’ve ever done.  I always felt like there was no right or wrong about the topics I like – communication and rituals and negotiation – but when you’re caning or whipping or piercing someone, there were black and white rules.

It went well, it was more fun than I expected, I had a bigger turnout than I anticipated – 40-ish people at a class at 8pm on the Thursday before the event really started in earnest on Friday – and even so, I was nervous about it, more nervous than I’d been about a class in a long time.

But I was glad I had done it, glad that it went well, glad I had agreed to do the class.  I might do some other ones, too, I’ve always thought a class on actual SCENES as opposed to activities would be interesting, for instance, and I think a lot of people don’t do as much with spanking and paddles as they could – they go for brute force over sting and slap.

I talked to a few people, even posted about it, I got a couple of ideas that were just not really feasible, or while they had some interesting elements, I was not the person to do them.

So, I have come up with the topics below.  I don’t know if I like them as well as I would LIKE to like them, but I can sleep on them tonight and send it out tomorrow.


I am actually thinking of offering a blogging class, though I’ve not been doing it long enough to justify it at the moment, but I’ve got months before it would be due, and I thought it could be interesting to round up blogs and bloggers that I thought had something to say or were very good at something – promotion, interesting topics, insightful writing, etc.

In my mind, and we know that’s a dangerous place, I thought about video clips and interviews with some of them, things that could be done using an iPhone and some questions, face shown or no.

I think it might be interesting to hear different people talk about why they do it, and how they do it.  We’ll see.  For the moment, the ones I have are below.

Drop me a note if you have a suggestion, here or privately if you prefer.  You can also find me on Fetlife as MsConstance.


Transparency in M/s Relationships

Transparency is a popular term, but what does it really mean?  How much transparency is too much, how much is not enough?  How does a slave know what needs to be told, how does a Master know when something isn’t being said?  And finally, how much transparency does a Master owe to the slave?  Communication is one of the cornerstones of power exchange relationships, learn how to use transparency to strengthen and deepen your relationships.


Loving the Unlovable

All of us come with baggage.  Some of it is uglier and more mis-matched than others.  Master and slave relationships tend to pull away much of the padding we keep tucked around those ugly memories, those unpleasant character traits that show their faces more often as we are more and more comfortable with ourselves.  One of the benefits of kink for many people is the ability to let their darker sides out, to admit to them and own them, but how does that affect your relationship and your own self-image?  How do you learn to love that which seems to us to be unlovable?  How do you learn to embrace it, in yourself and in others?


Female Masters in a Male Leather World

Sometimes being a Leather woman isn’t the easiest of roads.  We are not always welcomed into gay Leather bars, or treated well once we’re there.  Sometimes our Mastery is questioned, as if our gender somehow disqualifies us from those rights and privileges.  Often our slaves are also looked down on, as if they are less than the slaves of our gay male brothers, as if they are less respected because they serve women.  We are strong, unique and often overlooked.

2 comments to Edgy Topics

  • vanillamom  says:

    Hi Ms. Constance…! I’m so so so behind on commenting (though I have been reading) (vanilla life has dominated me this last week)…but I wanted to comment…

    I love the idea of these class topics. Of course the transparency speaks to me, but I think an important one is the last. A way to start breaking down boundaries is by getting the word out and the ripples spreading. It’s not my scene at all, but still, anytime there is bias, a voice speaking out about it (and your voice is steady, strong, and logical) is the way to begin change.


  • Cerrin  says:

    I really like all three of those topics. I really was looking forward to attending your class at GLLA about preparing for running for a title. But I have already committed myself to volunteering during that time. So I hope to see something like that at another event. Hopefully before I attempt to run.

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