Monthly Archives September 2012
September 30, 2012 Uncategorized
6. What’s the worst thing about being dominant, outside of play?
There a lot of good things about being dominant. It’s good to be the queen, all of that.
However, it’s not all skittles and chips, as I actually sometimes say.
Being a dominant also means, first and foremost, that I am responsible for other people. That when I make a decision, I take more than myself into account.
If you feel bad about disappointing me, imagine how bad I feel about fucking up.
Notice I didn’t say disappointing you, because, well, that I can live with.
Sometimes that’s the nature of dominance, too, of disappointing someone by telling them that they can’t do or have or get something.
But that’s different than really fucking up, different from forcing an issue – requiring that someone quit a job ...Read More
September 29, 2012 Uncategorized
4. How old were you when you had your first conscious dominant experience, the first time you recognized what you were doing?
5. What’s the best thing about being dominant, outside of play?
Well, see, I kind of answered 4 in 3’s post. Serves me right for not reviewing them better. 🙂
Anyway, I think for me the best thing is not playing games. I don’t have to pretend I don’t care where we eat dinner so you can feel big and bad and decisive. I don’t have to play weird passive aggressive games to get what I want, I can say it.
I like being able to choose the work I do. Sometimes it’s not that I like it – ask me how much I’ve ever loved typing up invoices for drew...Read More
September 28, 2012 Uncategorized
3. Looking back, what are the first dominant tendencies you can recognize in yourself?
I think that looking back, we can all recognize moments where our tendencies become obvious to us, at least in retrospect.
I think I’ve blogged before about my friend when I was a child, Cindy. Cindy had a big family who indulged her somewhat as the youngest child. I had no father and we were quite poor, so we were opposite ends of the spectrum, though to be fair, her family wasn’t really spending a lot, there were just more of them and they DID Christmas, while my mother really didn’t.
In any case, one year Cindy got an Easy Bake oven and a pogo stick – I know, go figure – that I envied beyond all reason.
Having said that, though, what I really was fascinated with more than the oven or the...Read More
September 27, 2012 Uncategorized
2. What is the single quality that is the most detrimental for a dominant?
Yesterday, I talked about the best qualities for a dominant, and mentioned patience, integrity and a sense of humor.
Obviously, a case can be made for the opposites of those qualities being the ones that are the most detrimental.
But that’s kind of a cop out, isn’t it?
I think being untrustworthy is probably at least one of the worst qualities in a dominant, but I don’t think that’s really just one quality, either. You can be untrustworthy in a lot of ways and for a lot of reasons.
If you lie, for instance, then you’re untrustworthy. If you have no self-control, for instance, then you’re untrustworthy. If you aren’t at least somewhat skilled technically, for instance, then you’re untrustworthy.
But w...Read More
September 26, 2012 Uncategorized
Ok, so, based on something that aisha has been doing lately, and what she and I talked about this last weekend, I thought it would be interesting to come up with the kinds of questions I come up with for the Special Interest Groups, but with an “only” dominant slant.
To be absolutely fair, aisha has pulled the questions but, for the life of me, I can’t find the exact reference. I’ve spent the last 15 minutes poking around looking for the reference and came to the conclusion that I could either spend the time looking, or the time blogging, and blogging won.
So, the questions I came up with are these:
1. What is the single quality a dominant most needs to possess?
2. What is the single quality that is the most detrimental for a dominant?
September 25, 2012 Uncategorized
I’ve been in a musing mode about punishment, which leads to considering consequences.
Because, after all, punishment is often a consequence of your actions.
I think one of the things that is a genuine sign of maturity is accepting that everything we do has consequences and learning to live with them.
It probably seems like consequences apply mostly to submissives, but it’s easy to forget that dominants have consequences, too, and sometimes our consequences directly effect not just one person.
It can be really difficult to deal with the consequences of your decisions when they turn out to have been bad ones, particularly when you are not the only one who pays the price.
Sometimes even if you’ve done your best, you can still screw up. You miss anticipating something...Read More
September 24, 2012 Uncategorized
One of my half dozen favorite writers passed away recently, David Rakoff.
David Rakoff was a frequent contributor on NPR, and had a particular outlook I always appreciated.
My very favorite form of fiction is the short, observational – and funny – essay.
Rakoff was a master.
Wikipedia has this to say about him:
“David Benjamin Rakoff (November 27, 1964 – August 9, 2012) was a Canadian-born writer based in New York City who was noted for his humorous, sometimes autobiographical non-fiction essays. Rakoff was an essayist, journalist, and actor, and a regular contributor to Public Radio International’s This American Life...Read More
September 23, 2012 Uncategorized
So the Sunday munch was this afternoon. I sent a message to aisha to poke her gently about it, but mostly to say I’d be there.
I always enjoy the conversation. We talked about who among tops would pick up something if the other dropped it.
For instance, if Master Alex drops something and there are only the two of us, I am going to pick it up for him. The same for Ms Kendra. They are my elders in terms of their involvement in the lifestyle and the community and in terms of what they have done. I’m older than Ms Kendra, actually, so it’s experience, not age.
We talked about blogging a lot. aisha was one of the most vocal in encouraging me to blog, and it is, by definition, a relatively solitary thing...Read More
September 22, 2012 Uncategorized
So, punishment has been on my mind lately and no, neither of my slaves are in trouble, all is well on the home front. Just a topic that’s stuck in my head like one of those songs where you only know one or two lines but can’t get rid of it.
Anyway, so, back to punishment, though perhaps I’m now beating a dead horse and this IS the punishment.
I think that for punishment to be effective, the submissive has to accept that the punishment is both fair and deserved.
By that, I mean that if the submissive really thinks that some/many/all of your punishments are essentially unfair, they’re unlikely to be very effective.
That doesn’t mean that they have to raise a right hand in solidarity and offer a hearty Hallelujah every time. That’s a little more than one could hope for.
But remember when ...Read More
September 21, 2012 Uncategorized
I’ve been thinking more about punishment today and one of the things that goes hand in hand with punishment, I think, is modifying the behavior of a submissive.
I don’t, I hope, punish you because I find it amusing, or just for the hell of it.
If I do, odds are, after a relatively short while the number of people willing to offer themselves up to me for said punishment is going to dwindle.
I punish you because I want your behavior to change. It’s a little like cutting out a rough outline of a paper doll and slowly, over time, trimming away the edges here and there, maybe adding a little piece taped on to expand a curve.
I think that you’re given to procrastination, or a little too quick to promise and a little too slow to follow up...Read More