September 21, 2012 Uncategorized  2 comments

I had someone ask me very lately about punishment.

It was hard for him, he said, because his “emotions” always got in the way when he was going to punish his girl.

My advice wasn’t that helpful, I suspect, because I’m not big on punishment, per se.

You punish for willful disobedience, or lack of attention when you should expect it, things that are either deliberate or so avoidable as to BE deliberate.  You don’t punish for mistakes, and you don’t punish for fun.

Because, see, if you punish for fun, it’s no longer punishment, and that’s fine, but just call it what it is, play.

I told him, too, that you don’t threaten punishments that you can’t mete out.  If you say, if you do X, then I will do this Y, then, should X occur, you had best be damned well prepared and willing to do Y.

If I should ever say to a slave that if they do X, then I will release them, then I absolutely guarantee that if they do X, I will release them.

Because I don’t say things like that lightly or without careful consideration, so if you do it, I shall certainly follow through.

Don’t make dramatic and extravagant promises that you are either unable or unwilling to carry out.  It sets a bad precedent.

Don’t give an order you know won’t be obeyed, unless you expect that and there’s a purpose.  I have once or twice told a submissive wearing my collar to do – or not do – something that I expected that they would NOT do – or DO – because that particular issues was a deal breaker, or it was behavior that was problematic enough that another instance of it was unacceptable in the extreme.

In the two cases I can think of, long ago, back in my early days of such things, the submissive did the expected thing and their collar was removed.

I think that we both knew the outcome when the order was given, I knew that they would not obey, and they knew it, too, so the relationship was really already over.

In any case, however, I was absolutely prepared to follow through with my threat, although that’s not a word I like.  I had thought through the consequences and weighed them before I made my statements.

Promising punishment in anger is a mistake.

I told him that I often say that you can be a good Top or dominant if you can’t stand to be the bad guy, but you cannot be a Master.  Masters say things that slaves and submissives do not want to hear, they ask for things they do not want to give, they require things that do not please.

I don’t like having a submissive angry or unhappy.  It’s no fun.

I suspect that many of you who are parents might recognize that sentiment.  It’s always better when everyone is happy, but sometimes that’s not possible, and principles and standards are important enough a goal to make it worth sacrificing for them.

A slave may think that they have the worst of it, but trust me, a pissed off slave is no fun to live with.

2 comments to Punishment

  • vanillamom  says:

    This resonated.

    I once served a Dom who was extremely strict…it was difficult because I was constantly in a state of stress that I would do something wrong. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When things were good they were very, very good. The intensity was there in a positive way. When it was bad it was horrid.


  • MsConstanceExplains  says:

    I think constant threats of punishment are just generally damaging, too. I actually expect that the people who serve me want to do well, want to serve me well, want to do as I ask, want to be “good,” however I might define that.

    On the other hand, there is a dynamic of “The Brat,” which is a valid one, I imagine, even if I think it’s annoying and obnoxious. You’ve seen them. They may occur more often in a Daddy/girl kind of relationship, though not exclusively or universally.

    Some people like the challenge, I suppose, of a submissive who says no or willfully disobeys to be “punished,” but then, that’s not usually really punishment, is it? If you LIKE being spanked and the punishment is spanking in ways you like, then it’s not really a disincentive.

    But I *like* good boys and good girls, I like those who do their best to do as I ask, and in those cases, why would I want to worry them with punishment?

    Ever have a job that had so many rules and so many things that people SEEMED to freak out about that you spent the first six months terrified, convinced you were going to do something wrong and be fired? And it’s sometimes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    I think that the kind of dynamic that keeps a submissive afraid is just not one which makes growth very easy. If you’re afraid of doing anything for fear of making a mistake that will cost you collar or comfort, then you’re probably not going to be able to trouble-shoot, or be creative, or offer me even better service, because you will only do exactly that which I outline.

    And really, what fun is that?

Leave a reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>