Monthly Archives October 2012

My Screed for the Day

October 21, 2012 Uncategorized  No comments

So, I tend to take fits and starts with social network sites. Some of them are more kinky, some of them are more vanilla. Sometimes I spend time on them regularly, sometimes I set them aside and pretty much ignore them for a few weeks, then check back.

So I’ve been doing that over the last couple of days, and because I’ve been ON the site recently, I always get a new batch of emails from people.

Well, from men. Women almost never write me on those sites, which is fine, given that I’m pretty straight now.

So, I went through three sites this weekend and in every one of them, there’s basically the same message:

“I’ve contacted you before and you never respond so I guess you’re not interested. I’m a nice guy, really, give me a chance, I think you’re pretty/hot/beautiful/a babe...

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Questions for Dominants 16

October 20, 2012 Uncategorized  4 comments

18.   Have you ever had a significant online D/s relationship?

I actually have had a few D/s relationships that were online long ago, before I was in a position to do things in person so much.

I had a couple of online submissives, one of whom was, at the time, significant to me, though I barely remember him now. I ran across a picture of him he’d sent me a few years ago and genuinely looked at it blankly for the first 30 seconds, having no idea who he was.

I lost track of him entirely probably 15 years ago. I remember he was a big Boston Patriots fan and actually cared when they won or lost, which at the time was very odd to me.

I had a sort of mentor for a longish time online, again before I had other options. He actually was very influential on me, in a lot of ways.

Much of my...

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Questions for Dominants 15

October 18, 2012 Uncategorized  2 comments

17.   Do you have rituals and protocols that you require your submissive(s) to follow?

It’s funny, I do classes on rituals and I do love them, but I don’t use as many as people expect, I imagine.

I have to say one of the very few rituals that I really do expect is that I expect them not to eat until I have taken a bite. drew rarely forgets, and apologizes if he does.

I don’t normally test them, but I do pay attention to that. I will overlook the occasional slip without comment, but if it became frequent or regular, it would be brought up.

My slaves don’t call me by my first name unless it’s in a place where it would be odder not to, and drew often calls me Mistress around vanilla types, too, because he’s so used to it he forgets...

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Questions for Dominants 14

October 17, 2012 Uncategorized  No comments

15.   How many people in your social circle, if any, are aware of your lifestyle?

For me, this is kind of an obvious question because I talk so much about it, but it’s far less common to NOT know about my lifestyle.

drew’s family does not definitively know, though I think it’s clear that we’re different. I have told his brother’s wife that I direct the relationship, that’s what we agreed, but I leave it at that.

The brother in Scotland doesn’t know. Although he could figure out if he paid attention to my Facebook, so I don’t know if he does or doesn’t, I suppose.

Hmm. My 90 year old Aunt Jo, who still cleans houses because she likes to “keep busy,” doesn’t know. My 85 year old Aunt Mary also doesn’t know.

Work associates from prior jobs know in some cases, in some cases not...

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Questions for Dominants 13

October 16, 2012 Uncategorized  No comments

14.   Have you had relationships which evolved from vanilla to kinky?

16.   Do you, or would you, have intimate vanilla relationships as well as kinky ones?

These questions seemed to go together to me, so here they are.

I have never had a relationship that truly evolved from vanilla to kinky.

My relationship with my first girlfriend was vanilla outside the bedroom, but we were kinky in the bedroom from pretty early on, early enough that I don’t remember when that wasn’t a component.

My next girlfriend was very vanilla, as was our relationship. There was no kink whatsoever, though there were certainly a lot of power struggles, too.

I have never really had a significant relationship with any other woman, not anything that could really even be called a relationship – I’ve had a few pla...

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Road Trip Redux

October 15, 2012 Uncategorized  6 comments

This is the blog I actually meant to write, based on danae’s blog, which you can find  here.

I love travel, as I said.

I am also quite fond of road travel, because there’s so much freedom.

If a plane is delayed, you’re stuck.  You can’t change your plans and you’re also at their mercy.

With a car trip, you can take side trips, eat when you want, stop when you like, control your own destiny.

Imagine how much better I like that.

One of the other benefits is exactly what danae’s post mentions, the long conversations they allow.

I love the kind of questions that spur one of those long, rambling conversations, that genuinely give you insight into someone’s life.

I remember one long conversation across the Midwest spurred by the casual question, “What was your favorite toy as a kid?”

I’ve also...

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Road Trips

October 14, 2012 Uncategorized  4 comments

I read another blog today and it put me in mind of one of my favorite things in the world, road trips.  You can find the original blog, by danae, here.

I love travel.  I have been in, I think, 40 of the United States; I can’t remember if I’ve been in Montana, though it seems like I have and I’ve been in all the states around it, so again, it seems like I probably have.

The farthest I have ever been is Australia, which is pretty much directly on the other side of the planet.  It was an amazing trip and there’s something to be said for being able to say that you have hand-fed a kangaroo and startled a flock of emu on a deserted road in the Outback.

Not the restaurant.

The actual Outback.

I’ve been in Mexico a couple of times, no farther than just across the border to Tijuana, and to Cana...

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Questions for Dominants 12

October 13, 2012 Uncategorized  6 comments

13.   Are there other members of your family who are also involved, to your knowledge?

Probably the thing to most remember in my answers is that I am not close to my family.

My parents are both dead and have been for a long time.

I have two brothers.  The eldest lives in Scotland with his wife, and their daughters and their children also live there.  I haven’t seen him since, I think, 1995.  We swap a message on Facebook once or twice a year, maybe.

No particular reason, no falling out, just… not close.

Knowing what I do know about him, I suspect it’s just as well.  He is much more  conservative, though no more religious, than I am.

His two children are something like 30 and 40...

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Questions for Dominants 11

October 12, 2012 Uncategorized  No comments

12.   Do you feel personally that you were born a dominant or did circumstances in your life make you dominant?

I think it’s both.  Nature and nurture.

I think I was given to being a dominant.  In another reality, I’d have been a kick-ass slave, too, but I’d have been a slave, not a submissive.

I couldn’t do it now, I am too settled in and too comfortable with my role, but 20 years ago, who knows?

Had I never found, however, what I consider a healthy way to express my naturally dominant personality, I think I’d have been pretty miserable as vanilla.

I’d have been one of those bitchy women who nag, and make those horrible passive-aggressive remarks.

I think circumstances, too, also made me dominant.

I have talked about growing up poor...

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Questions for Dominants 10

October 11, 2012 Uncategorized  3 comments

11.   Are there parts of a submissive or slave’s life that you feel a dominant shouldn’t exert influence over?

In general, I believe it’s fair for me to exert influence over every area of your life, because that’s what it is, influence, and that’s part of the dynamic.  Of COURSE I’m going to exert influence.

On the other hand, there are areas where I would be unlikely to actually require or take action.

I think something to remember is that a dominant should be willing to make hard choices and have difficult conversations.  Reticence to have an unpleasant conversation is not the same as not wanting to exert influence.

That means if you have children and I think you are doing something that is detrimental to both you and them, I need to be willing and able to bring that subject up w...

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