Questions for Dominants 10

October 11, 2012 Uncategorized  3 comments

11.   Are there parts of a submissive or slave’s life that you feel a dominant shouldn’t exert influence over?

In general, I believe it’s fair for me to exert influence over every area of your life, because that’s what it is, influence, and that’s part of the dynamic.  Of COURSE I’m going to exert influence.

On the other hand, there are areas where I would be unlikely to actually require or take action.

I think something to remember is that a dominant should be willing to make hard choices and have difficult conversations.  Reticence to have an unpleasant conversation is not the same as not wanting to exert influence.

That means if you have children and I think you are doing something that is detrimental to both you and them, I need to be willing and able to bring that subject up with you and discuss it.

Saying that it is none of your business or not an area that you should have influence over is, I think, usually a cop out.

Having said that, though, it would take a very serious situation for me to say, you must do this, in some key areas of life.

I would likely only do that if it were, indeed, a deal-breaker for me.

If your child were a meth addict, for instance, I might say, You must remove him/her from here because it is physically dangerous for me/us, and if you are not willing, then I must remove myself from both of you.

That’s not exactly like saying you should or shouldn’t spank your kids, though.

I wouldn’t generally affect your work life.  I do not tell slave drew what jobs he can take.  I have told him twice that I thought taking work was a bad idea because it was for his brothers, and I thought it was likely to end badly.

It did.

Both times.  He didn’t speak to one brother for a couple of years, and the other, who is a jerk, he’s had virtually no real contact with since.

I did not, however, tell him he couldn’t take it.

I wouldn’t generally interfere with your family.

To say I dislike my mother-in-law is an understatement.  For specific and personal reasons, because of how she’s treated me, and mostly because of how she’s treated drew.

I haven’t really spoken with her in three or four years, and I am good with that.  drew had gone quite a while without it, and she contacted him perhaps a year ago.

He told me that he thought he’d spend some time with her, and I told him that I was fine with him doing that.

However, if his spending time with his mother resulted in him being as easy to live with as a bear with an injured foot for six weeks afterwards, which was usually the case, I would absolutely NOT be fine with that.

I didn’t tell him he couldn’t spend time with her, nor would I.  I believe he has, I haven’t asked and he hasn’t volunteered because, honestly, I don’t much care to hear about her.

I am fine with saying if you choose to do this, then I expect this will follow.

Health would be another area.

If I had a submissive whom I believed wasn’t taking appropriate medicine, or was taking things they didn’t need, I might require that they meet with another doctor, even with my doctor, I might require that they consider other options of treatment, but I wouldn’t require a change personally.

I expect my opinion to matter to the submissive.  I expect my advice to be considered and weighed.

If I tell you that I never want to see you in blue jeans again, or sneakers, or whatever, then I expect that you’ll do that.

I’d not, however, give blanket orders about your work, or contact with your family, or disciplining your children and expect them to be followed blindly.

But if I ever did give those orders, I’d see it as a do-or-die choice, because the current situation was untenable going forward.

3 comments to Questions for Dominants 10

  • sin  says:

    Your last sentence is interesting, that if you ever did give those unlikely orders, they’d be do-or-die, because the current situation was untenable, going forward. Yeah. That happens sometimes. I nodded when I read this.

    And in-laws are hell, aren’t they?

    -sin

  • MsConstanceExplains  says:

    I think there are situations when you do make that do-or-die choice.

    If you were going to take a job that I thought was perhaps not a great idea, and it also involved you moving on a fairly permanent basis to Sri Lanka, for instance, then yes, the choice might be, take the job or take your collar because, obviously, that has a significant and profound affect on our relationship.

    Maybe that’s really the criteria. I may not LIKE that you work too long of hours and think your boss treats you badly. I may not LIKE the way you discipline, or don’t, your children.

    So long as those things don’t have a profound and at least semi-permanent affect on our relationship, well, then, I probably wouldn’t make them a do-or-die choice.

    But if they do, then at some point I’m not longer exerting influence over those things, I’m exerting it over our relationship, and I have an absolute right within that stated dynamic to do so.

  • aisha  says:

    Yes, I like this a lot. It’s very realistic and reasonable, clear and sustainable. Of course, i agree with it, that makes it even more enjoyable to read. 🙂

    aisha

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