Kink First – My First Scene
So, perhaps this is a bad title because, to be truthful, I don’t remember my first scene.
But doesn’t it seem like the next kind of first?
So, anyway, though I don’t remember it, there are things I do remember about those kind of firsts.
I remember my first girlfriend kind of ashamedly asking me to tie her to the bed.
I remember not being disturbed by it. I don’t know that I had ever thought of it before, not really, but it didn’t shock or worry me. It was more of a sense of, Oh, ok, well this is interesting, I wonder how you tie someone to a bed..?
I figured it out, btw.
I now have to re-rope my bed every five or six years.
You know, the rope slips or starts to fray or drops to some impossible to retrieve place…
Anyway, I remember she really liked it.
I remember I let her once tie my hands together with a scarf over my head.
For about thirty seconds and then I kind of freaked out and demanded to be untied.
I never tried it again.
I tell people that I know how trustworthy I am and I wouldn’t let me tie me up.
I have some trust issues.
Anyway, I do remember the moment that the first submissive I had, actually knelt in front of me.
I remember being sort of torn between really liking it and thinking, ok, so what do I do NOW?
I figured that out, too.
I remember instances when I was still a lot newer at this than I am now, when I wasn’t quite sure what I’d do and that bothering me.
I still often don’t know what I’m going to do, actually, because I rarely plan scenes, but it doesn’t bother me anymore.
I found that if I planned a scene and then the scene turned out to be different, go to a different place, I felt disappointed, even when it was a great scene and a great time.
So I stopped planning. Sometimes I’ll know what implements I’ll want to use in a particular way – I’ll want to use canes or maybe do a bit more rope than I usually do, something like that, but I never think, I’m going to start with X and then move to Y and finally close with Z.
So now, what happens happens. It’s very Zen.
Zen and the art of Kink, as it were.