Saturday Reviewed

December 22, 2012 Kink EventsVanilla Life  10 comments

I had a productive Saturday, if not a very exciting one, but that’s not always bad.  I had no pressing need to leave the house, and other than going to the mailbox, I didn’t.

I did a lot of calendar-related things today.

I put up the subjects for the Special Interest Groups for the upcoming year.  I’d created the events, but hadn’t added the topics and the questions, which I like to have done before January.

I scheduled Titleholder Preparations, where we will invite people who are running or thinking about running for a leather title to attend and be asked questions, have an opportunity to practice speeches and/or presentations with feedback and support.

I’ve worked on scheduling classes that I’ll offer this year, my expanded BDSM 101 classes.  I wanted to look at them from the ground up again, and I’m close, I still have to decide what three of the nine classes will actually be, and I need to find the location, but I’m not overly worried about it.

I meant to do more email work, but what I did do that I’m pleased about was updating my presentation binder.

I have one binder that I try and keep a copy of all my current presentation notes in, so when I go to an event, I can just grab that and know everything I need is in it.

It also means that the occasional time when I am expected to present a class I didn’t remember I was presenting, which has happened, I have the notes for it, too.

I printed out copies of the notes that I hadn’t added, and put them in the page protectors I use, and put labels on the dividers so I can find the notes I need when I need them.

I also updated my kinky biography and 2013 list of classes.  I have a couple of classes that are on my list that I need to write when and if someone picks them.

I’ve always done that, I”ll write the description for the class I want to offer, and send it out when I’m asked for my class list.  Then, when someone requests it, I’m forced to write it.

I have to write a class on Transparency in M/s Relationships, because I’m scheduled to do that one in Dallas in March, at South Plains Leatherfest.

I have two more, one on being a female master in a gay male world, and one on loving the unlovable, accepting the things within ourselves and others that we see as essentially unlovable.

I need to move things to my online calendar now, but I’m really pleased to get so much done.  I did answer one email I needed to respond to as well, and I still have a bit of time.

Tomorrow I’ll go to a party and see a lot of my friends.  It will be fun,, then slave drew will be back at home on Christmas Eve.

And then, at the end of the day, someone made me cry.

I don’t cry easily or often.  I had done a lot of shopping for someone who couldn’t do the actual errands, including buying for a grandchild.

I didn’t get the list until about three hours before they needed to be delivered, and I had a short window of time to put it together.

You might realize that it was probably known that gifts would be needed before then, and it might have been possible to get me a list before the last possible moment.  I realize that as well.

On the list were video games in a format that I couldn’t find in three stops, so I was left with the clothes I’d been asked to find, some toys I picked out myself for him, and a soccer ball, which apparently the ditsy and incompetent clerk never gave me.

I was in a hurry, trying not to be late in another pickup, and I just didn’t notice that the soccer ball never got in the cart. It was the Friday before Christmas at Target.  It was a lot busy and a lot stressful.

I’d already done grocery shopping, too, and felt badly I couldn’t find the games.

The grandfather thanked me for doing it, nicely, thanked me specifically for the clothes, and told me the grandchild “loved” them, which I was happy about because the selection had been limited, even more than my time.

I responded that I was glad that the boy had liked the clothes, going on to say that they had been the only things in the store that fit the list – the one that I got at noon on Friday before Christmas.

I’d genuinely picked out things I thought the child would like, a t-shirt with a robot image, a pair of camo cargo pants, a pair of pajamas with dinosaurs.

After I responded that I was really glad the child had liked the pants, the grandfather apparently felt compelled to tell me it was a sarcastic comment on his part, that the child hadn’t liked them because they weren’t toys.

And now I’ve sat for 15 minutes crying over it.

The child probably got more gifts at this holiday celebration than I got the first dozen years of my life, at least. He still has another set of grandparents and his own parents, too, from whom he will also get presents.

I did my best, and now I feel really miserable.

I’m not at all sure why he felt compelled to point out it had been a sarcastic remark on his part, why he couldn’t have just let me think it was sincere, or why he even felt that making the comment was the thing to do.

He’s called to try and apologize, I’m sure, and there are at least one or two texts from him, but I’ve not looked at any of them.

It was unintentional on his part, I know, but it still hurt my feelings, and that’s not really that easy to do.

It took me by surprise, and I am still surprised at myself.

It’s pretty easy to piss me off or annoy me, but I keep my feelings under wraps most of the time, to avoid bruising.

I should have wrapped them better, clearly.

10 comments to Saturday Reviewed

  • sin  says:

    When we make ourselves vulnerable we get hurt sometimes. It sounds like you did the right thing and that whoever made you cry was in the wrong.

    That sucks, but it doesn’t take away from all the good you did.

    Big hug.

    -sin

    • MsConstanceExplains  says:

      I appreciate it. Probably even worse, I feel stupid for even believing it wasn’t a sarcastic comment on the grandfather’s part, for thinking the child might actually have LIKED the things I spent time and effort picking out.

  • jadescastle  says:

    That kid should be marched down to the shelter for battered women who are there with their children and donate the things he mocked….so he can see how good he has it and that someone tried their best for him. And then he should do something for you…that causes him the same amount of time and stress you put out for him. How ungreatful.

    i was thinking that what you picked out sounded pretty cool, actually.

    i’m so sorry that you went out of your way and got hurt. Sometimes, we reach out and get smacked hard. You seem like a person who goes out of their way for everyone.

    Karma. i believe in it. You put good out…it will come back….it always does.

    • MsConstanceExplains  says:

      I believe that, too, actually, that the good we do comes back to us, even if we don’t always see how or when. Ripples on lake, and we have no idea where they finally wash ashore.

      The grandchild isn’t grateful for anything because no one ever taught him to be or required that he be. As opposed to the child who was so amazed that Santa had been watching him being good, this one knows that good has nothing to do with it. He might get a lecture, maybe, he might not get to go to Puzzle Fun Dome both days of the weekend, but he’ll go and the presents will be given and he will, I suspect, grow up to be about the same kind of person his father was, and that’s nothing to aspire to, unfortunately.

  • Wordwytch  says:

    Hugs. Lots of them.
    It must have been the day for trampled feelings. Lots of hugs.

    • MsConstanceExplains  says:

      All hugs are gratefully accepted, and the same back to you. I hope yours was better.

      • Wordwytch  says:

        Hugs are always appreciated. As for the incident, I think we are about tied. My sister being her normal insensitive self, and pushing all the buttons.

  • aisha  says:

    Hi, Ms Constance,

    This is probably silly on my part, but when i read what he said, i thought he was reflecting his own hurt that his ungrateful grandchild didn’t appreciate what he’d done for him. My guess is that he was thinking about himself, and not how that would affect you at all – or that it wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate you, but that he didn’t appreciate his spoiled youngster.

    It was still rude, thoughtless and uncalled for, and i’m sorry you were hurt. i agree with Jade too, this poor kid has no concept of the the real world.

    hugs,

    aisha

    • MsConstanceExplains  says:

      Actually, this was very helpful and I bet you’re exactly right, in retrospect. I bet the kid was a snot to him because he didn’t get all toys all the time and all the things he wanted and the grandfather actually did mean it as, we’re both in this together, but it was a shitty way to do it.

      Had I not been tired and frustrated at being put in the position of doing a crappy job because you can’t get your act together more than four hours before the due date to get me the list of things you need me to buy, because, after all, I *love* trying to cram shopping in between one errand and another, it probably would have been something I shrugged my shoulders over and gone on, but it was the final straw on the overloaded camel.

      Tonight was a nice break and NO one was snarky to me.
      TTonight was a good break, and

      • aisha  says:

        Oh, good, I’m glad that made sense.

        Of course, the irony of the situation wasn’t lost on me – that he was upset with his grandson for being ungrateful, while he himself had not expressed his gratitude to you for all your effort on his behalf. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

        Hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

        aisha

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