I read an interesting blog by jade, on Queen Bees and service. I recommend you read it, here, it’s really an interesting entry.
I think that often one of the things that’s hard for people to understand about being a dominant is that being served is not always as easy as it might seem.
For one thing, being served well requires training someone in how you like to be served and that means, then, that you put up with less than ideal service for a while, because no one is going to get it right the first time.
I often use tea as an example in explaining service.
I drink a lot of hot tea. I think I’ve had four or five pots of tea today. The morning started with a couple pots of Blackberry Sage tea, I had Rose Petal Tea in the afternoon, then a pot of a new tea I had ordered, a green pear flavor, and then a pot of my favorite green tea at the moment, a pink grapefruit.
So, as you can tell, I take my tea fairly seriously. Only one was a tea bag kind of tea, the other was all loose tea.
If you were going to serve me for a day or two, you’d need to know how to make tea. Not only that, you’d need to make tea the way I like it, and even slave drew, who also drinks tea and knows what teas I like and how I like my teas, and once in a while I get a tea that isn’t really what I wanted at that particular time. It’s unavoidable.
For you to get my tea right, you have to know if I want black tea or green tea or white tea, do I want it flavored or plain, how strong do I want it?
Black tea and green tea and white tea all have different kinds of brewing times.
I like mugs, largish ones, not small cups.
You can’t boil water in a microwave and make tea with it. I don’t’ know why, but it’s disgusting.
So, if you’re going to make me tea, most likely, I’m going to have quite a few pots of tea that aren’t exactly what I want.
To get good service, too, I have to be able to articulate both what I want and how I want it, and that’s not always easy.
In addition, I have to KNOW what it is I want.
That’s harder than you might think.
I know a lot of dominants who seem to expect submissives to read their minds, when, it seems, there’s not much there to read.
You also have to be willing to make a choice, to pick one thing over another.
You know those people, you say to them, What kind of pie would you like, we have pumpkin, apple and pecan, and they say, Oh, it doesn’t matter. Whatever.
My, how helpful.
I’ve told you I have all three. It clearly makes no difference to ME what you have, if it did, I’d not have offered them all.
Or the person to who you say, would you rather have a soft drink or wine, and they say, Yes.
Again, not helpful.
As a dominant, you have to know your own mind, and be willing to state it.
It can be hard, too, to not feel guilty or as if you’re taking advantage of someone.
I know, I know, it’s the dynamic, you like serving, we get that.
When we’re both sitting down, sometimes it feels pretty selfish to say, “I’d like more tea.”
If it’s something less pleasant – getting up in the night to let the dogs out, for instance – it can feel pretty selfish to stay snug and warm in bed while someone else gets up to do that.
During our Fringe Board meetings, we often meet at my house and eat dinner during the meeting. Last time I started to take one of the plates to the kitchen.
I was basically not allowed to, because jacki took it from me, with her usual, Really, Ma’am? Really?
Sometimes that’s odd for me, too – it’s my house, I’m the host, I should take care of people, it’s odd to me to sit down and be waited on.
I know, I know, it’s hard to believe.
I told you being served is not the easiest thing.