Monthly Archives February 2013

I Lost My Post

February 19, 2013 Leather ContestsSpiritualitySubmissives  No comments

I had one written, I swear.

A decent one.

I was actually proud of myself because I have been so behind, I haven’t commented or responded to comments, I’m a bad person, and I had actually written a post.

I’ve been so busy with Bluegrass and I will be for another three weeks, I’m behind everywhere.

I had it ready, I hit publish.

Usually I cut and paste it to be sure, but I didn’t, of course.

And it’s gone, and I can’t find it and there’s no draft for it and I logged in so I shouldn’t have lost it, but I somehow did.

I might go cry.

Read More

Attracting a Partner, Part 5

February 4, 2013 Relationships  No comments

I seem to be doing a whole series here, don’t I?

One of the comments that was made reminded me about another thing that I think is important about finding a new partner.

Sometimes it’s also about letting go of the old partner.

Sometimes that’s one of the harder parts, I think.

There are usually two varieties.

One is, the person who’s ex was SO incredible and SO perfect and SO amazing that it’s hard for anyone else to measure up.

The other is the person who’s ex was SO awful and SO horrible and SUCH a complete asshole that they can’t seem to see past that to anyone else.

The first one is hard, for sure.

When you have to follow a saint, it’s hard to live up to it.

Their former Master or Mistress was the love of their life, the be all and end all of all BDSM and kink, the perf...

Read More

Attracting a Partner, Part 4

February 3, 2013 Relationships  No comments

So, I’ve talked about knowing what you want, what you are looking for, what you will compromise on, all that.

I think it’s important to recognize that, however much you might dislike the thought, you may never find the relationship for which you are looking.

It’s possible.

Not a happy thought, maybe, but possible.

I think first you need to make a life that you can live, even if you never have anyone else to share it in the way you’d like.

I see people who put their life on hold until…

Well, until.

Until the fabled day when your life becomes perfect, when that life includes the perfect Master and perfect slave, or dominant or submissive, or whatever it is that you put there when you fill in the blanks.

Once you have that, well, then, your life will be perfect and everything will f...

Read More

Attracting a Partner, Part 3

February 2, 2013 Relationships  4 comments

I’ve been talking about finding a partner, and I’ve spoken mostly about being realistic about what it is you want, and what you have to offer, and about monogamy and non-monogamy.

I want to say, too, that I believe that whatever you want, there’s someone out there who is interested in the same thing.

You don’t have to settle, but you may well have to accept that your pool is smaller than you’d like.

I could have five new submissives by the end of the evening, using only Fetlife and text messages, but how worthwhile would those submissives be?

Many of you submissives who bemoan finding a dominant are not really saying there are NO dominants, they are saying that the dominants out there are not worth your time or effort, and I would agree.

No one ever said it was easy.

Vanilla relationship...

Read More

Attracting a Partner, Part 2

February 1, 2013 Uncategorized  2 comments

I had a comment asking about something I’d planned to address, too, so I’m going to go ahead and do that now.

What I want to address is monogamy.

I think that there are two things that you can’t really compromise on and be happy about, and those are children and monogamy.

If you want children, agreeing not to have them to please someone else, or having them because someone else wants you to, That’s something so intrinsic, I think, to who you are that compromising on it is something that you can’t reconcile, truly, within yourself.

Monogamy is like that, too, though there are some differences.  Children are an either/or situation.  You either have children or you don’t.

Monogamy is not like that.

There are a millions flavors of monogamy, and nearly as many definitions.

I think it’s import...

Read More