Probably the hardest thing to do is show someone else your truest face, the real you, the one without the lipstick and makeup, prettied up for company.
One of the things I most value about kink relationships is that very thing. Being able to how someone the parts of your personality that are not always thought of as positives, and having them accept it.
The reasons to come out are as varied as the things revealed. I know that for me, when I come out to someone, one of the biggest reasons is that I’m not great at compartmentalization, either in my personality and my life. I am what I am.
For instance, no one I told I was a dominatrix ever said, “Wow! Seriously? I’d never have guessed.”
Usually it’s more in the vein of “You know, this explains a LOT…”
I come out, too, because I f...Read More
So, the issue was respect. I had said that I realized that not everyone would approve of me or my choices, past and present.
I said I was, in fact, “a virtual immorality trifecta.”
I did like that turn of phrase.
So, I can’t control someone’s opinion of me. All I can do is decide for myself what is right and wrong and behave accordingly. The opinion anyone else holds of me is irrelevant.
What is relevant is my opinion of myself. I have to look myself in the eyes every night, and wake up to myself every morning. I know all my worst qualities, the pettiness and unkindness that lives there, as it does with anyone.
You know that part of yourself you don’t like to admit to...Read More
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Take care, TCB…
So, I was thinking about respect. We make that such a tenet of our construct here, and respect is one of our cornerstones.
Everybody wants respect. Sometimes, anyway.
Respect is not a lengthy list of specific rules and regulations centering on how you expect to be treated.
It’s a reflection of the way you feel about other people as demonstrated by your behavior towards them.
By the same token, honor is not an empty term to be dusted off as convenient then returned to the shelf when it comes to one’s own behavior.
I cannot control the actions of the general public, nor do I plan to try.
I cannot walk around with a rule book that I pass out before someone speaks to me so they are certain to afford me the respect ...Read More
jade, over at The Chrysanthemum and The Sword, wrote an interesting post – well, I find that many of the posts she writes are particularly interesting.
Anyway, she talked about “The Perfect Slave,” and “The Perfect Master.”
Perfection has honestly never been that appealing to me.
I think, for one thing, that I would find perfection in a slave somewhat intimidating.
If, for instance, you’re a perfect slave but I find a flaw – I don’t like the way you fold my towels or the food you cook – then doesn’t that rather imply the flaw is with me?
If you’re perfect, then I have to be perfect, too.
And I am not perfect, nor do I aspire to be.
I aspire to be many things, a kind person, a good leader, a wise dominant, but I do not aspire to be perfect.
Perfection is so confining...Read More
One of the topics that’s been discussed some lately is the fact that sometimes dominants give commands that don’t quite seem like commands.
I suppose that must seem very odd to submissives, that we do that. We can, so easily it seems, just give that command.
We can TELL you what to do.
So why don’t we just TELL you sometimes?
There’s often a reason, you know.
You could do your child’s math homework. You know, at least one hopes you know, how to do fractions. If you were looking to solve the problem of the answer to the equation of 2 2/3 times 3 and 3/8ths, you understand the process.
You find the common denominator and translate the equations into those common denominators, you multiply ...Read More
December 12, 2012 Dominance
I’ve been thinking about discipline a lot lately. Probably because I’ve been sort of alternating between feeling as though I’m way behind and feeling as though I’ve gotten a lot done, and that brings the concept to mind.
Obviously, there are different meanings for the word discipline.
In our lifestyle, one thing discipline can mean physical punishment. The good kind.
It can also mean discipline within a relationship. I might expect a certain level of discipline from those who serve me, the ability and the willingness both in order to keep their lives together, to get the things done they need to be done, and to do the things I ask them to do.
I find it funny that discipline has such a poor connotation so often in the vanilla world...Read More
As those who know me very well know, I love poetry. I have memorized poetry since I was 12 or so. My mother memorized poetry, too. She was as likely to recite poetry to me as to read to me.
One of my favorite poets is Sara Teasdale, one of those tragic female poets who offs themselves before 50. She was the love of Vachel Lindsay, another tragic poet that committed suicide in true poetic fashion, drinking a bottle of lye.
In any case, one of the continuing themes I have always found in her work, and likely one of the reasons I identified with her, even then, was dominance and submission. I could name – and recite – at least a dozen poems of her that have a strong flavor of D/s.
The single poem of hers in which I see that dynamic so strongly is this one...Read More
If called upon to describe myself, I would tell you that, among other things, I was confident. I have faith in myself, in my decisions, in my ability. On the other hand, the other side of confidence can be conceit, and where do we draw the line?
I have never been a fan of the concept of female superiority. Honestly, any noun followed by the word “superiority” makes me nervous. I don’t think any group of people is superior or inferior.
On the other hand, I do believe I am superior. Doesn’t that sound conceited? It’s true, though.
I believe that I am smarter and more aware, that I pay more attention, that I have a long history of making good decisions...Read More
Perhaps that should be “Unreasonable Expectations?” Question mark and all.
I am wondering if my expectations are too high too often. I got some information today that made me think that.
Not terrible news at all, something that is actually the outcome that I preferred and thought was the best option, and something I expected, too. I think it will end up being a learning experience for everyone involved, myself as well, and that’s a good thing to take away.
But it made me think.
I don’t think I expect more of others than I expect of myself. That is said, by the way, with a genuine sense of self-examination, not as an arch justification. I don’t *think* that I do. I have fairly high expectations for myself. I take on a lot of responsibilities. I follow through with them...Read More
We had our monthly SIG meeting this afternoon. It was a topic I always enjoy, Deal Breakers and Non-Starters.
We meet for some social time before the discussion because, well, because you can’t get kinky people together and expect them not to be social, even if there’s an agenda.
So, we socialize for a bit before, then, about the time the food usually arrives, I read the list of questions aloud, if people have questions they ask then, and then we break into three separate groups, dominants, submissives and switches.
We are lucky enough to have a fairly large population of switches, or, perhaps the fact that switches have been welcomed here, they feel more comfortable claiming that identity than they might...Read More