Category Kink and BDSM

Definitions

June 28, 2012 Kink and BDSMRelationships  No comments

One of the things I truly enjoy is conversation.

I have always held that great conversation is nearly as stimulating as great sex, while good conversation is far better than bad sex.  Good conversation imparts information, allows us to communicate with others.  Communication requires a shared language.

Towards that end, I wanted to speculate on the definitions of some of the words we use.

One of the essential requirements of conversation is that we all agree to a specific set of building blocks that we will use for that purpose, namely language.  I believe that the better we use and understand language the more precise our communication will be...

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Training

June 27, 2012 Kink and BDSMRelationshipsslave drewslave thomas  No comments

I do monthly classes here in Louisville, on “BDSM Basics.”  I had one a couple of weeks ago on safety.  We talked about both the kind of safety as in, how and where you can strike people safely, but we also talked about some other aspects of safety, which for me boil down to behaving rationally, knowing the people you play with.

The thing that struck me, though, was an email I had gotten from someone who had signed up for the class.  I send out a reminder because anyone who wants to attend needs to get pre-registered, so I know who’s coming and they know where to go.

So I sent an email to one guy who had signed up for the class.  He’s pretty new in terms of the community, six or eight months, I think, and considers himself a Top.

In other words, one might think he’s precisely the perso...

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What to Expect at a Munch

June 26, 2012 Kink and BDSMKink CommunityLouisville Munch  No comments

It occurred to me that I have never posted the single piece of writing that has been used more than anything else I’ve ever done.  I wrote it years ago, back in 2000, because I got so many people asking me about munches.  Since then it’s been used in introductory packets all over the world, literally – I got a request from South Africa, years back, and if you do a Google search on it as ” What to Expect at a Munch,” the first 150 or so, at least, references are to this article.

What to Expect at a Munch

If you’ve never been to a munch before, the prospect can be very intimidating. What should you expect, how should you behave, how should you dress, what might happen, what might not? When you add that to a lifestyle that can seem terribly intimidating on its own, the terror mounts...

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A Busy Saturday

June 24, 2012 GardenKink and BDSMMemoriesslave drewSubmissivesVanilla Life  No comments

He had a very pleasant day, in which we accomplished a lot, two of my very favorite things.

I did my usual yard sale thing this morning, and found some nifty stuff.  drew got clothes, some naturalist books and his favorite, three aluminum outlines of birds, clearly made by a person and not a mold or company, that I thought he would like hung on his workshop doors down at his house in Western Kentucky.

I found some shoes, a book or two, and several plants.  I recently cleaned out the small bed on the kitchen side of the house and it needed some plants.  The spot gets baking sun most of the day during the summer, so it isn’t a spot for sissy plants.

I bought four sedums, a succulent that will do well there, and four small pots of Siberian iris, on which I spent exactly $1.85.

I met drew f...

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Guilt and Fear

June 17, 2012 Kink and BDSMKink CommunityRelationshipsSubmissives  2 comments

That was the topic of our SIG group meeting today.  It’s funny, I think the discussion groups are absolutely not for everyone, but I think that for the people who find them valuable, they find them very valuable.

We talked about how guilt and fear affected us and our relationships.  Random observations follow, based on our conversation.  Your mileage, as always, may vary.

Submissives and slaves feel guilt more often, when dominants do feel guilty it’s often a more intense guilt, because we feel guilty for both parties.

Most male dominants had a lot of guilt based around their kink because they were all told that they shouldn’t hit a girl...

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Mentors

June 14, 2012 Kink and BDSMRelationships  No comments

I am using a get-out-of-blog-free card today and posting something I wrote a while back.

And, if you’re interested, the four state capitals in yesterday’s test are:

Carson City, Nevada

Jefferson City, Missouri

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Salt Lake City, Utah

One of the words we hear a lot these days is “mentor.”  People talk about the need for mentors in our community.

Novices are looking for mentors.

More experienced people call themselves mentors.

There seems to be a general consensus that everyone needs them and everyone who can be one should be a mentor.

Personally, I never really had any mentors in the Leather community.  There were people I looked up to, certainly, but I met them all well after I was on my way to being whatever I am now...

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Capitals

June 13, 2012 Kink and BDSMslave drewslave thomasSpirituality  No comments

No, not capitals as in the capital of a state, although I will tell you that there are four state capitals with the word “City” in their names.  Think about it.  I’ll post the answer tomorrow.

In any case, no, what I mean is capital letters.  While that might seem like an odd choice for a subject, it’s really not and it actually ties in with my recent speculations on BDSM and spirituality.

I have had a computer of some kind for literally 30 years or so now.  My first computer was an Atari, one of the high-end ones that had a word-processing program.  You saved the file to a tape in a special tape recorder.

It sounds almost ludicrous now.  It was a lot like an old VCR where there was no random access, it was linear, basically...

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BDSM and Spirituality, Part Two

June 12, 2012 Kink and BDSMRelationshipsSpirituality  No comments

Yesterday, I referenced a blog by one of my favorite people, aisha.  She talked about spirituality, and you can read her work here.  I talked about it and ended up not at all where I meant to be, so this is really a continuation of that.  Let’s see if I can stay on track today.

One of the common themes in a lot of cultures is the idea of using a physical ordeal to bring one closer to a higher being.  Walkabouts and vision quests and ghost dances and sweat lodges and all those other rituals and rites of passage that bring one closer to God, however you choose to perceive that, whatever name (or gender, or singularity) that you, or they, recognize.

Bear with me, I’m going to use that term, you just substitute whatever makes you feel more comfortable when you come across it.

So, we go thr...

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BDSM and Spirituality

June 11, 2012 Kink and BDSMRelationshipsslave drewslave thomas  6 comments

I told someone lately that for me, kink was at least as much about spirituality as it is about sexuality.

For me, one of the things that kink allows me to do is, in a way, test myself.  We tell ourselves that the way you judge character is by how someone behaves when no one is watching, by how they behave when they can do whatever they want.

For me, a Master and slave type of relationship allows me that opportunity.

I have slaves.  Neither of them have safewords, never have.  Neither one has ever refused to do something I asked, either.

Both of them trust me implicitly.  I could ask them to do anything, I imagine, and they would at least consider it, because they do trust me...

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Corn Con

June 11, 2012 EventsKink and BDSMKink CommunityTravels  No comments

I am back now from my weekend excursion, to Bloomington, Illinois.

I was at a great event called Convention in the Corn, or Corn Con.

It’s a very small event, I doubt there were 75 people there all told, but we had a great time.  I went with my friend Kenny, and Ms Tammy and her slave, troy.

Corn Con is put on by Spyn, a black Lesbian Dominant.  I’ve known Spyn for years, though not well at all.  She always comes to Great Lakes, but we never had a reason to do more than say hello in passing.  She’d approached Ms Tammy to present, and she suggested that I contact Spyn about presenting, too, since we often travel together and didn’t mind staying together.

So, after a little back and forth, I ended up as one of the three presenters, who also included my friend Min, who works at the Leathe...

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