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Respect II

November 6, 2012 Uncategorized  No comments

So, the issue was respect.  I had said that I realized that not everyone would approve of me or my choices, past and present.

I said I was, in fact, “a virtual immorality trifecta.”

I did like that turn of phrase.

So, I can’t control someone’s opinion of me.  All I can do is decide for myself what is right and wrong and behave accordingly.  The opinion anyone else holds of me is irrelevant.

What is relevant is my opinion of myself.  I have to look myself in the eyes every night, and wake up to myself every morning.  I know all my worst qualities, the pettiness and unkindness that lives there, as it does with anyone.

You know that part of yourself you don’t like to admit to...

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Respect I

November 5, 2012 Uncategorized  2 comments

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Take care, TCB…

So, I was thinking about respect.  We make that such a tenet of our construct here, and respect is one of our cornerstones.

Everybody wants respect.  Sometimes, anyway.

Respect is not a lengthy list of specific rules and regulations centering on how you expect to be treated.

It’s a reflection of the way you feel about other people as demonstrated by your behavior towards them.

By the same token, honor is not an empty term to be dusted off as convenient then returned to the shelf when it comes to one’s own behavior.

I cannot control the actions of the general public, nor do I plan to try.

I cannot walk around with a rule book that I pass out before someone speaks to me so they are certain to afford me the respect ...

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Munch Weekend

November 4, 2012 Uncategorized  11 comments

So this was a busy weekend.

On Friday we went to a wedding of a couple of lifestyle friends.  It was outside and quite nice.  drew knew more people there than I did because he hangs out at a local coffee stop where many of them work.

I don’t even like the smell of coffee so I steer clear of those places usually.  Even tea from them SMELLS like coffee.

Anyway, we did talk to a few people there, but my most interesting conversation with the mother of the groom.

She asked us which of the two we knew and I said that we knew them both, though we had known the groom for longer than the bride, three or four years.

His mother was very nice, and said, “Oh, do you know him from the life…  What is it you call it?”

I said, “Lifestyle?”

She said, “Yes, the lifestyle, is that where you know him?”

I ...

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Equality, Part II

November 3, 2012 Uncategorized  4 comments

So, I was talking about equality.  I had said that I believe that as people, we are equals.  I am not more than you, or less than you, in the greater perspective.

As a person, we are equal.

If you take a submissive role and your partner takes a dominant role, I am not going to think more highly of one or trust the opinion of the other less.  You will be equal in my eyes.

Having said that, if I were sitting with my friends Charles and jacki, and I wanted a refill of a drink, I would ask jacki for it.  Charles would absolutely do anything for me I asked, but the reality is, jacki LIKES to serve, and that suits her personality.

My relationship to them, however, is not a D/s relationship.  I deal with them as friends or acquaintances, or, more generally, as people.

Within a relationship, ...

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Equality, Part I

November 2, 2012 Uncategorized  9 comments

(I started working on this and it got very long.  I wrote it originally a long time ago, but I did some fair editing and reworking this evening, after the Friday Munch.  We were also at a wedding of two kinky friends, which I’ll talk about more, tomorrow, which I have slated as a computer work kind of day.

In the meantime, this got so long that it really needs to be two parts.  So now it is.  Unless I discover that it actually needs to be THREE parts, which is possible…

Anyway.)

One of the subjects that is intrinsic to the dynamic I prefer is equality.

It’s intrinsic, but not in the way most people think of it as intrinsic within a relationship.

Our community is growing by leaps and bounds.  That’s obvious to anyone who organizes anything and to anyone who attends related events.

We...

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Vision

November 1, 2012 Uncategorized  5 comments

One of the qualities that I think is important for a dominant in a relationship is one that is talked about far too little is vision.

I use the term in this context as the ability to look at a submissive and see what improvements should be made, to see what should be cut away and how the remaining facets can be polished.

It is the same ability an expert diamond-cutter must have, to look at the raw stone and see the diamond that lies within waiting to be exposed.

Like the gem-cutter, too, a dominant ho undertakes this kind of transformation needs a steady hand and a clear understanding of the structure under the surface.  A poorly-planned or badly-aimed cut can destroy the stone, leaving a pile of worthless dust.

A dominant who attempts to cut away the dross in a submissive runs a greater ...

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Safewords

October 31, 2012 Uncategorized  8 comments

I was talking to someone at Kinky Kollege and I confessed that I rarely played with established safewords.

Responsible, didactic, insistent me.

I used to mention them, have the submissive tell me what their safeword was, do all the things that I myself say you’re supposed to do.

Over time, though, that became less and less important to me, had less value and merit.

It seemed to me that the habit of establishing some outlandish word I expected someone to remember in a moment of sudden panic was, to be blunt, silly.  It implied that if the submissive I was playing with said “No!” or “Stop!” that I would not, not until they remembered to say “Eggplant!”

A sort of BDSM version of Simon Says or Mother May I?

Now that I’ve said that, let me say this.

There are submissives who wa...

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Bright Idea

October 30, 2012 Uncategorized  4 comments

I had this bright idea that I would start posting some writing I worked on for a while, some time back, a pretty long piece, actually.

I could serialize it, in effect, meaning I have something in backup if I don’t want to write or don’t have time to do a blog.

So, I started looking.

Clearly, based on this blog, I didn’t find it.

I did, however, spend enough time looking that it’s now really too late to do much else.

I am going to keep looking, I virtually never lose a file like that, but it’s hard now because I can’t remember the name of a single character other than there was a cat named Stiletto.

Of course, I can also not remember the name of it.

Thus far, using those parameters, I haven’t found it yet.  I have an old hard drive I haven’t looked on, and an external drive.

I have disks, ...

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Kinky Kollege Komplete

October 29, 2012 Uncategorized  4 comments

Won’t we all be glad that this is the last time, I hope, I will feel compelled to misspell words to continue a theme.

So, I have some final thoughts on Kinky Kollege, now that I’ve had a full day to recoup.

I came home with three new toys, a split rattan slapper, a window blind handle that I found in the garbage, and a black fiberglass cane with a turned steel handle from Toolworks.

I looked today, in fact, when I put it away, at my inventory of Toolworks toys.  I have two small floggers, cock whip size, and a thick paddle-sized slapper, two clear synthetic canes and the new black one – and they’re all different thicknesses, too, should that seem a bit excessive – and one that now has red braided cat falls but originally held a horsetail flogger.

Horsetail is a really interesting sensatio...

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Kinky Kollege Kreshendo

October 28, 2012 Uncategorized  5 comments

Ok, so that’s a pretty bad title, but hey, it’s late and I’ve been in a car for something like six hours today.

I had my last class this morning, a class called Dancing on the Edge, which is about, unsurprisingly, Edge Play.

One of the things I’d like to do over the winter, when I don’t foresee traveling much, is to update and improve my class notes.

I have them all on my hard drive, of course, but they’re not organized in a way that really works anymore, and I have been doing some of them long enough that I use the full notes a lot less and what I really need for all of them is something more like a bulleted outline.

Which I should also transfer to Power Point presentations, too, that have those same bulleted outlines, because then I could actually carry a lot less paper when I travel, to...

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