Attracting a Partner, Part 5

February 4, 2013 Relationships  No comments

I seem to be doing a whole series here, don’t I?

One of the comments that was made reminded me about another thing that I think is important about finding a new partner.

Sometimes it’s also about letting go of the old partner.

Sometimes that’s one of the harder parts, I think.

There are usually two varieties.

One is, the person who’s ex was SO incredible and SO perfect and SO amazing that it’s hard for anyone else to measure up.

The other is the person who’s ex was SO awful and SO horrible and SUCH a complete asshole that they can’t seem to see past that to anyone else.

The first one is hard, for sure.

When you have to follow a saint, it’s hard to live up to it.

Their former Master or Mistress was the love of their life, the be all and end all of all BDSM and kink, the perf...

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Attracting a Partner, Part 4

February 3, 2013 Relationships  No comments

So, I’ve talked about knowing what you want, what you are looking for, what you will compromise on, all that.

I think it’s important to recognize that, however much you might dislike the thought, you may never find the relationship for which you are looking.

It’s possible.

Not a happy thought, maybe, but possible.

I think first you need to make a life that you can live, even if you never have anyone else to share it in the way you’d like.

I see people who put their life on hold until…

Well, until.

Until the fabled day when your life becomes perfect, when that life includes the perfect Master and perfect slave, or dominant or submissive, or whatever it is that you put there when you fill in the blanks.

Once you have that, well, then, your life will be perfect and everything will f...

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Attracting a Partner, Part 3

February 2, 2013 Relationships  4 comments

I’ve been talking about finding a partner, and I’ve spoken mostly about being realistic about what it is you want, and what you have to offer, and about monogamy and non-monogamy.

I want to say, too, that I believe that whatever you want, there’s someone out there who is interested in the same thing.

You don’t have to settle, but you may well have to accept that your pool is smaller than you’d like.

I could have five new submissives by the end of the evening, using only Fetlife and text messages, but how worthwhile would those submissives be?

Many of you submissives who bemoan finding a dominant are not really saying there are NO dominants, they are saying that the dominants out there are not worth your time or effort, and I would agree.

No one ever said it was easy.

Vanilla relationship...

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Attracting a Partner, Part 2

February 1, 2013 Uncategorized  2 comments

I had a comment asking about something I’d planned to address, too, so I’m going to go ahead and do that now.

What I want to address is monogamy.

I think that there are two things that you can’t really compromise on and be happy about, and those are children and monogamy.

If you want children, agreeing not to have them to please someone else, or having them because someone else wants you to, That’s something so intrinsic, I think, to who you are that compromising on it is something that you can’t reconcile, truly, within yourself.

Monogamy is like that, too, though there are some differences.  Children are an either/or situation.  You either have children or you don’t.

Monogamy is not like that.

There are a millions flavors of monogamy, and nearly as many definitions.

I think it’s import...

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Attracting a Partner, Part 1

January 31, 2013 Relationships  6 comments

I am doing a class next week on Attracting a Partner.

It used to be called, Attracting a Dominant, but then the more I did it the more I realized that the same things went into both sides of it, or many of the same anyway, and it seemed silly to do a class that applied to both but marketed to one.

At the Sunday munch last week, I ended up giving a sort of impromptu vision of what I think is important in finding a partner.

On one level, it’s funny, because I say the same thing in all my classes, on the other hand, it’s not funny at all, really.

The first step is always knowing yourself.

If you do not know what you want, if you are unable to define it and communicate it, the likelihood that you will find it goes WAY down.

I think one of the reasons that can be hard is that it requires a...

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Alarms at Night

January 30, 2013 Uncategorized  5 comments

So, last night I am sleeping soundly, as you might expect, given that it was 4am.

I wake up, slowly, trying to figure out what that sound is.

You know how it is, you’re half-groggy, and it is January, not exactly tornado season.

I spent probably five minutes at least coming awake, trying to figure out what I’m hearing.

Finally, I say to slave drew, “Are those sirens?”

“I think so…”

“Are they TORNADO sirens?”

About then, we both sort of wake up enough to realize that they are, indeed, tornado sirens.

We get up and turn on the television upstairs.  Yes, tornado sirens.  Yep, we’re having what seems to be a hellacious storm, passing over Louisville.

We are warned repeatedly to take shelter, but nothing is HAPPENING around us.

After about 15 minutes, I said, “Let’s go downstairs, if we do ne...

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Website!

January 29, 2013 Bluegrass Leather PrideFringe ElementsLeather Contests  No comments

I am SO freaking happy to announce that I finally have my blog up on my own domain, something that has been on my agenda for a couple of months.

If you’re reading this on MsConstanceExplains at WordPress, well, I’m still very glad to have you.

However, if you’re reading this on my own domain, at MsConstanceExplains.com, well then, I’m even more glad to have you.

To give credit where credit is more than due, I had little to do with this.

My good friend Charles did the migration for me.  I had tried and played at it a few times, but just never got it to work.  I was worried I’d lose everything because I’m not that much of a tech person.  I had spent a couple of hours trying to figure it out, and a month kind of playing at it.

I gave Charles the information last night, and he had it done b...

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Poetry Corner

January 28, 2013 Poetry  One comment

You should know by now that I often turn to poetry here when I lack time and inspiration to write something myself.  And really, I have good taste in poetry, so it’s ok.

I wrote a class of D/s themed poetry, or poetry that spoke to me of it, anyway, some time ago.  I rarely do it – it’s very few people’s thing, but here are parts of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elinor Wylie, born in 1885, was famous during her life almost as much for her beauty and personality as for her poetry. After an unhappy marriage, she fled to England with Horace Wylie in 1910; following her first husband’s death she married Wylie, and although they were later divorced, she continued to write under the name Elinor Wylie. In 1923 she married William Rose Benét, poet and editor.  She died in 1928.

Pretty Words

Poets make ...

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Titleholder Preparations

January 27, 2013 Bluegrass Leather PrideLeather Contests  2 comments

We had one of the titleholder preps we do in Louisville tonight.  We do preparations for people planning to run for titles and tonight we had five potential contestants and seven or eight of us who were working with them, asking questions, giving feedback on the questions that were being given and the way they were given.

We talked about why they wanted to hold the titles for which they were running, what they thought they brought to the table that other contestants might not, what part spirituality played in their Leather lives, why they were running for the title they were running for.

It’s always interesting to hear how people answer those questions, and I’m generally pleased with where we are.  We have more work, but things are going well.

Then we had the Sunday munch after, and that...

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Fringe Elements Meeting

January 26, 2013 Fringe ElementsKink Community  No comments

We had our second open meeting for Fringe Elements tonight.

We had expected more people than actually showed, but that was fine, too.  We had about 25 people, I think, plus the six of us who sit on the Board of Directors.

We had set it up so we talked about the venue search, our financials, marketing, administration and volunteers.

We’ve been searching for a venue since we started and have had no luck.  We’ve found places that didn’t work for various reasons – location, structure, access, ownership, neighbors, etc., etc., etc.

We talked about having looked at 113 venues, and dealt with something like 90 agents.

We actually have a viewing scheduled for Monday, too.

We talked about our finances, where we were, how much we’d made and from where.

In addition, we talked about how many meeting...

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