Attracting a Partner tagged posts

Attracting a Partner, Part 5

February 4, 2013 Relationships  No comments

I seem to be doing a whole series here, don’t I?

One of the comments that was made reminded me about another thing that I think is important about finding a new partner.

Sometimes it’s also about letting go of the old partner.

Sometimes that’s one of the harder parts, I think.

There are usually two varieties.

One is, the person who’s ex was SO incredible and SO perfect and SO amazing that it’s hard for anyone else to measure up.

The other is the person who’s ex was SO awful and SO horrible and SUCH a complete asshole that they can’t seem to see past that to anyone else.

The first one is hard, for sure.

When you have to follow a saint, it’s hard to live up to it.

Their former Master or Mistress was the love of their life, the be all and end all of all BDSM and kink, the perf...

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Attracting a Partner, Part 4

February 3, 2013 Relationships  No comments

So, I’ve talked about knowing what you want, what you are looking for, what you will compromise on, all that.

I think it’s important to recognize that, however much you might dislike the thought, you may never find the relationship for which you are looking.

It’s possible.

Not a happy thought, maybe, but possible.

I think first you need to make a life that you can live, even if you never have anyone else to share it in the way you’d like.

I see people who put their life on hold until…

Well, until.

Until the fabled day when your life becomes perfect, when that life includes the perfect Master and perfect slave, or dominant or submissive, or whatever it is that you put there when you fill in the blanks.

Once you have that, well, then, your life will be perfect and everything will f...

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Attracting a Partner, Part 3

February 2, 2013 Relationships  4 comments

I’ve been talking about finding a partner, and I’ve spoken mostly about being realistic about what it is you want, and what you have to offer, and about monogamy and non-monogamy.

I want to say, too, that I believe that whatever you want, there’s someone out there who is interested in the same thing.

You don’t have to settle, but you may well have to accept that your pool is smaller than you’d like.

I could have five new submissives by the end of the evening, using only Fetlife and text messages, but how worthwhile would those submissives be?

Many of you submissives who bemoan finding a dominant are not really saying there are NO dominants, they are saying that the dominants out there are not worth your time or effort, and I would agree.

No one ever said it was easy.

Vanilla relationship...

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Attracting a Partner, Part 1

January 31, 2013 Relationships  6 comments

I am doing a class next week on Attracting a Partner.

It used to be called, Attracting a Dominant, but then the more I did it the more I realized that the same things went into both sides of it, or many of the same anyway, and it seemed silly to do a class that applied to both but marketed to one.

At the Sunday munch last week, I ended up giving a sort of impromptu vision of what I think is important in finding a partner.

On one level, it’s funny, because I say the same thing in all my classes, on the other hand, it’s not funny at all, really.

The first step is always knowing yourself.

If you do not know what you want, if you are unable to define it and communicate it, the likelihood that you will find it goes WAY down.

I think one of the reasons that can be hard is that it requires a...

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